12/3/2021 0 Comments
A Night in Cabo
THIS is what a fun night in Cabo looks like.. A reflection on how far I've come
My friends were not available to go out and so I decided to get an uber and head downtown by myself. I figured, at the very least, I'd dance by myself in some bars and walk along the water.
After passing up a few bars, I stopped by one with some cool vibes. The waiter saw I was hesitant to stay (music not quite up to dancer standards ;)) and gave me a free drink. Although I felt a familiar pang of guilt for taking something for free, I decided to say yes. I sat sipping the drink and looking at the water, enjoying this night alone..
And then a very handsome boy asked if I was alone and wanted to join their group. I turned around to three extremely handsome men, all different in terms of height, facial hair, and I think, ethnicity. What a joy! Of course, I said yes!
We had an amazing night dancing, relaxing, and talking- turns out they all were dirt-bike racers, having just completed a week-long tour along the Mexican coast.
I liked all three boys (seriously, who wouldn't!?), but one boy in particular seemed to be on my wavelength that night- a black-haired boy with roots in Cuba. He asked about my lego necklace and choice of clothing (super important for a girl who loves to dress up and make her own clothes!), connected on love of EDM music, and his smile was flirtatious, handsome, attentive, and kind.
Although the one particular boy had invited me over, I let myself follow my desires and enjoy the black-haired boy while also chatting with everyone. When he asked me how my night was, I told him fabulous, and that I was soon ready to go for a walk along the river. Before I could ask him to join me, he said "that sounds lovely, might I be invited on this?" I said yes.
Later, I noticed that the black-haired boy left me and the boy-who-invited me alone on the dance-floor, gave him the biggest space to talk to me in conversation, and at one point, grabbed me for a dance but then spun me into the other boys arms. Not sure if that was bro-code, but I thought perhaps it might be.
Despite this seemed deferral, I made up my mind to not feel obligated to the boy who invited me over. He was super nice, but not where my desires were in the moment. I told the black haired boy that at the next bar, I would step out for a walk and wanted him to join me.
When we stepped out, I gave the first boy a hug, thanked him for a fabulous night, and went on my walk with black-haired boy. On our walk, I asked black-haired boy what he wanted to do and he mentioned something about my comfort level. I stopped him and asked a bold question "If you could share your biggest desire with me for this night, what would it be?"
He said "Wow." and then told me that he would love to go back to his apartment, listen to EDM music with me, and have some cuddle/touch time. I was an immediate Hell Yes! and we went to do just that. On the way there, multiple sellers asked us what we needed, and he said to them in Spanish "I've got all I need right here." and pointed at me. I got this hint and loved it.
On the way there, I asked if he would like to hear my safer-sxx elevator speech and he said yes. I informed him of my testing status, things I liked and didn't like, and made a huge caveat that although I was sharing this with him, I did not want to go into any experience with him with the expectation of sxx- I just wanted to flow but was open to that if I felt it in the moment. I told him I would let him know if that desire arose but to really just flow with the energy without that as a goal. He seemed a bit surprised by the conversation but said he was just happy to share time and connect. He then returned with a similar speech back to me.
When we got back to the apartment, we listed to some amazing EDM music and had a most fabulous night...
The next morning, after having asked to stay for cuddles, the boy who had originally had asked me to join the group, stopped over. He joined us in bed and so I had two sexy men around me. I stated my boundaries- only cuddles- and they obliged. I think my one of my fave moments was when the third boy walked in, saw me with my top off with his two buddies and turned away, I think in embarrassment of seeing us together. My response was to jokingly say "Would you like to make it a four-some!?" with laughter and joy in my voice. His face was.. priceless.
Later, I went out to breakfast with these three and their fourth friend who was finally feeling well enough from his hangover to join us. I looked down at myself in black-haired boy's tshirt and around the table at these beautiful men, and could see timelines of myself connecting with all of them at different times and different ways, even let myself imagine being the solo woman on their next guys trip...
and I felt so.. lucky. Lucky to meet such beautiful humans who were open to me, lucky to have learned skills to navigate this, and just so so grateful for life.
Moments like this remind me how far I've come:
When I feel an urge to do something, I go do it, even if I have to do it alone.
When offered an experience that I know I would enjoy, I say yes, despite some lingering guilt.
I allow myself to enjoy the attention and appreciations of multiple men.
I let myself go for my truest desires in the moment, despite feelings of perceived obligation.
I allow others to take care of themselves while also showing kindness.
I ask bold questions to get to the root of desires.
I communicate directly to create a safe container for play that works for me.
I let myself PLAY in these spaces with lightness, humor, and joy.
I give myself permission to continue to fantasize and explore, with multiple humans just like these amazing men.
These moments remind me what is possible, and even more, that things are possible for me beyond what I might even imagine- I just need to show up and be me.
And a final shout-out to all the amazing men who adore me in the ways they do.. YOU inspire me and I am so grateful for you.. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You make my life full.
Leave a Reply.