"Things aren't going so well with my business," she said. "No matter what I do, I can't seem to make money.."

Conversation ensues about her blockages.

Three months later:
" I figured it out.. I LOVE pain, so in the absence of a play partner, I
inflicted it on myself in my business! So, guess what!? I hired a Dom
to
whip my --.
I am making so much fricken money now!!

-------

I love my life and these types of conversations. Moral of the story: If you don't acknowledge and utilize your kinky, crazy se-ual desires in productive ways, they'll find a way to express themselves in damaging, detrimental ways and in areas of you life you may not even be aware of..
​
Also, it just might be possible to hire someone to help you..

The dream:

My chest rises and falls as I breathe deeply, relaxing.
"How does it feel?" He asks, curiously.
I notice his energy distant, but his attention on me.
"Amazing," I whisper, more to myself than to him.

I begin to trace my nails up and down along my arms. I can feel the energy at the places of contact, my entire body transfixed by the heat, the tingles, and the goosebumps.
My thoughts rang loud "This feels like the most pleasure I have ever experienced. And there is no 'other' here. It's just me... Wow..."
I had long since forgotten about him... And sank into that joy..

He reaches toward me, his energy fully online now.
And in that instant, I am aware that his energy was waiting for that moment, that precise invitation...

His fingers graze my chin as he pulls me towards him.
His lips envelop mine as he kisses me deeply...
And the room begins to spin.. the energy of s-x, romanticism, and deeper energies that feel beyond time/space dimension...
-------------
Side Note:
This (real-life) human has been a symbol of s-xual pleasure- physical and energetic AND has always brought with him a lesson of me standing in my sovereignty.

Lessons:

You have deep desires for connection with other- s-x, romance, and even energetic experiences beyond this time/space dimension.
Let them go.

Allow the pleasure within and by yourself to be your only focus.
Your desires are a magnet from that one, simple, step.
​
Photo by George Winchell

My Compass: Playful Boldness
---------------

"I love your playful boldness." 

This comment got me thinking... 

I love being bold. I l love experimenting with bold, direct actions and desires. I love catching people (myself included) off guard with my boldness. 

Some of the things I have said/done: 
"I have been flirting with you the past 3 months. I'm practically asking you to take me home with you"- (insert mouth-drop by recipient) 
"If you could have your biggest desire tonight with me, what would it be?"- (also, insert mouth-drop)
"Here is my calendar.. pencil yourself in, handsome"
Kissed a stranger at a hot springs
Asked a boy if he would have a heart-adventure with me.. 

As I remember fondly these moments, I also remember my compass that @Kat Fleming so brilliantly pointed out; Playfulness. 

- I remember not taking my bold wants, desires, and needs seriously or with pressure (a huge change from many years ago)
- I remember the sheer joy at surprising myself with some of these desires, AND actions! (kind of like watching a movie reel and being like.. she did/ wanted WHAT!?" 
- I remember not caring about the outcome; the pleasure was in the expression itself, the rest was bonus.
- I remember how alive I felt, because it felt.. SO deliciously... edgy
- And I remember how much it felt truly.. me

- I remember it being easy, because it was play.

I appreciate when people point out my boldness. It reminds me how brave and thrilling it is to live so loudly, so free, and with so much fun. It reminds me of my favorite moments of feeling truly alive and of my internal compass of how to get there... Playful boldness. 

​What is compatibility?
-------------------
I've been in a few long-term relationships in my life so far, and they've run the gamut:
-
Lust: I want you. Passionate. Sparks. Eventually... attachment style
mismatch gone awry in fiery blaze.. learn where my attachment shadows lie.
-
Storybook: It seems like the universe put us together for a reason. Happily
ever after doesn't actually happen. Major personal growth on facing reality
head-on.
-
Caretaking: You support me in ways that I need and make me feel good. Ends
when I grow out of the need for that support. Learn what it means to be
treated well.
-
Love: It just hits you, that you will love this person no matter what. But
love doesn't always equate to compatibility in partnership... Learn
to love at the appropriate distance for the relationship.
-
-------------------
Now, though, I am particularly appreciating a new stage of relationship:
Liking.
-
Liking:
I just really.. like you. I like myself around you. I like what we do
together. I like how I feel in my body and in my mind when we are together.
I like our talks, how you smell, our jokes, how we share time. I "like" all
of it, even the moments where we have a difficult conversation, or we get
stuck in traffic, or daily normal "life happens" things- I like it. Not in
an intense, emotionally or physically charged way. In a good, pleasurable,
chill, peaceful way. I don't feel like I'm reaching for anything
particular. I'm just liking what happens and unfolds.. There is just a lot
of liking going on... And I'm liking the liking too!
-
Anyways, I'm not sure what will come of this "liking" relationship style I
have going on, or what I will come to learn from it, but I will say that it
is the most peacefully pleasurable out of all of the styles above, and for
that I am very grateful...
-
Ps. Would love to hear about your relationship "styles", what you learned
from them, and what has been the best for you...

"I believe there is not a door that my authentic self cannot fit through"

-Renee Santos (comedian)
-Clexicon 2022
Photo by Dan Davis