"That shadow stuff they taught you?
Just not true.
Your feelings, your desires...
are natural, beautiful, and amazing things
They are not the problem.
They are the fuel.
There is nothing to "transcend"
They are just real, facts of life.
And the life you want to be living.
Let's find them.
Let's love them.
Let's fricken harness the power of them.
And then go for a ride."
The feeling of inspiration Inside my body
As I watch this human
With so much color inside of him.
So much.. energy
Watching the eyes light up, body soften, and eyes blink in amazement as the light bulb went off in his head...
Inside of him.
So big, so real, so much
Wasn't bad- wasn't the enemy
It just wanted out...
He could give that thing it's space in the world
To be, To grow, To shift, To change
To take up space in his life and the lives of others
Not as something bad.
But something to be celebrated.
Something to be honored
Something to hold with strong boundaries and courage.
Compassion, humor, and lightness.
And joy in the birthing: The acceptance of the unknown, the allowance of what comes, and the beauty of its growth.
I'm so excited to watch as this energy unfolds, bringing this amazing human on a beautiful ride of self-discovery, connection with self and other, and more freedom.. to be..
A reflection on the new Netflix Series- "Sex, Love, and Goop"
I love... people, bodies, humans.
And I love how unique we all are...
These last few weeks I have spoken to so many individuals- talking about their likes, dislikes, fears, and desires.
And what I've noticed is that underneath all of that are.. needs- real, legitimate body needs, and emotional/ connection needs.
As humans, we have needs:
Body needs- for touch, release of hormones/ stress/ emotions, presence
Intimacy needs- the desire to be open and vulnerable, seen and experienced in that state, and to explore deeply with others
This video touches on all of the "erotic blueprints"
---Want to get tied up or suck on a toe?
Sounds like you are the "Kinky" Type
---How about the most sensual massage ever.. with incense, soft fabrics, and a warm towel- Yep, probably a "Sensual"
---Want to eye-gaze and feel the energy build just with a glace across the room (energy type), or have a whole body orgasm- Definitely "Energetic"
-- Maybe you just want to jump right into bed and get it on- "Sexual Type"
---Or, maybe, like me, you want ALL the things and mold to the situation-
These are all super fun things to talk about! AND.. it goes deeper than that...
What I love about this video and the fact that this series is soon to be streaming on Netflix is that it is LEGITIMIZING these normal, amazing, beautiful human needs.
In addition, it clearly demonstrates the POWER in creating Conscious Sexuality spaces- spaces where our physical needs are MET, where we can SUPPORT and LOVE one another in some of the most beautiful, vulnerable, and deepest places... even in the places where we are different. Where we can explore together the things that light us up and the things that turn us on.. and create more FREEDOM to be and share who we truly are.
I love creating these spaces.
I love experiencing these spaces.
and I am so excited for the world to recognize these spaces as legitimate, important, and needed...
This weekend, one of my biggest role-models in the world said to me
"You inspire me..."
They were talking about my recent *cracking of the code* in relationship to owning my needs and desires, navigating relationships with ease and "zero" drama, "getting my reps in," and finding the "gold"- where giving of my gifts is a gift to everyone, including myself.
Here is to learning, optimizing, and sharing more of "the code"
There are moments with others that feel easeful, warm, and rejuvenating.
And there are moments with others that feel exhausting and draining…
After one incredibly angering and frustrating connection with a human, I was feeling confused and lost- perhaps I was NOT navigating with skill, perhaps there was something “wrong with me.” After all, if I was offering so much, why would this person ghost me and act as if I didn’t…
Then I realized.. that there was nothing wrong with me. Or this person. I was just offering something that they did not want, or could not give in return… And I naively thought that their rejection must mean that I didn’t have value, instead of a more accurate truth- I was offering a value that was not recognized or returned by the human in front of me.
So, I wrote. I wrote down the things that I offer being me. And that I assert in my relationships with others.
(I wrote them as questions, so I can continually be asking this of myself and others- you can change out the pronouns as fits)
Segue into: My Navigational/Relational Commitments
1. Are you willing to acknowledge the your actions create impact and work for win-wins (balancing authentic action with positive impact)
2. Are your physical needs and desires on an equal playing field to mine?
3. Are you dedicated to open, clear, and direct communication?
4. Do you honor and uphold your agreements (time commitments, plans) or when changes arises, demonstrate care and consideration for the other?
5. When emotions arise, can you offer time, presence, deep listening, and non-judgement? From there, can you offer support (or assistance in getting the needed support) for these emotions?
6. When conflict arises, can you be honest and vulnerable with yourself and others about what is real for you?
7. What conflict arises, can you turn towards each other for collaboration?
8. In times of great need or desire, are you willing to sacrifice some of your lesser or more immediate needs, knowing the same courtesy will be extended to you and not taken advantage of (ie. Physical crisis or matters of personal importance)
9. Are you dedicated to kindness and respect in navigation of the above?
10. Do you commit time to outwardly demonstrating your affection and care for this other human being in recognition and celebration of the value they bring to your life? (think love languages- planning quality time, PDA, thoughtful gifts, words of affirmation, sweet touches)
11. Do you honor and acknowledge your physical/ emotional/ environmental limitations (ie. Working within 3D physical reality).
12. Do you have a genuine continued interest in learning what makes your partner tick and providing avenues for those expressions to bring more joy into their life?
**I will surely be adding more as more come up.
After writing this, I felt more at ease.
These are things that I choose to cultivate and hone in my connections, utilizing these skills to show real care and consideration for another human, even in small moments.
And these commitments, put into values and tangible action, is an incredible offer..
And I expect value back.
Or, perhaps that isn’t correct. I can’t expect everyone to offer or *even want to offer* the same value package back. But I CAN choose situations where I will get the same value, or better, or get compensated monetarily for my value..
So that is where I am at. I am dedicated to cultivating and offering more value because I LOVE IT, I DESIRE IT, I CHOOSE IT, and I WANT IT.
And I will choose people and situations that recognize my value, both personally and professionally..
So bring on the amazing peeps. Bring on the amazing work opportunities. Bring on the value.