On "What Could Have Been"
**Inspired by conversations with women in my life who have been going through heartbreak, myself included and a play that I saw last night..
How many times have you, or I, or anyone thought about their ex? What could have been, what might have been, what could still be?
Fact is, it COULDN'T be, or it would have been, so why.. why do we get caught in fantasy and the game of what-ifs? And how can something seemingly so magical in our fantasies not be able to continue in physical reality?
Talk about a cruel joke..
There are just some people in our lives, that for whatever reason (timing, availability, location, life path direction - aka physical reality), just won't be "the one" (or marriage material, long-term partner, lover, whatever that is for you).
And yet, we fantasize about them. We want them... or at least the idea of them.. the romanticized version (energetic reality). The one that forgets about the reality of this time space (physical reality).
I've been thinking about this.. about the beautiful men I've had in my life, the beautiful moments, the magical relationships. They ended, but many of them are still in my life, surrounding me as friends, or as distant memories.
Today I imaged myself sitting in the middle of 5 or 6 of my exes, and looking into the timelines of what could have been with each of them, and noticing that I am in the center of it all. That perhaps in other lifetimes/timelines I WAS or AM with them, but none of those are THIS timeline. And if those timelines are so special and precious, then so is THIS one...
As an example, I have a certain ex, that when I see or talk to him, my emotions and mind flash with the reality of how I feel for him, which is more than one can really put into words. But, I'm also hit with the reality that in this reality, it cannot be.
And it feels... Beautiful.
And perhaps that is my "why?"..
If I can love someone so deeply who I cannot be with...
If I can find so much magic in timelines that co-exist outside of this one..
If so many "could have beens" are a part of my reality..
then how beautiful of a reality this timeline must be...
If in my mind, all of those threads of love and connection WANT to go somewhere and STILL lead me back here, then HERE must be where it's at..
This far in life, I trust the "magic." I also trust "reality." And if magic leads me someplace and reality intervenes, that in itself it also a form of magic..
Magic. Reality. Dancing between the worlds. My favorite place to play, to dream, and to wonder
-- Photo by the talented George Winchell